A new kind of selfishness...?
Question:
Wow... It's been a while since I've last come on here... A lot has changed. Anyway, I was thinking about this for a while in my head. I'm currently a freshman in college at the University of Virginia. College is good, life is alright, and things are going somewhat well. I'm finding out a lot about myself recently and I'm glad that I am. It's an ongoing process and I doubt I will ever know myself fully. Anyway, I am anticipating the summer. I can't wait for this semester to end in May and not go back until September. During this time, I plan to play guitar endlessly, work a lot, acquire a lot of money, and buy a new guitar. Generally, just have a good time.
Right now, I'm at a standstill in my life and progress. I go to class, go to lacrosse practice, come back etc. There's nothing new, but I don't expect there to be. I recently just had a confrontation with my roommate and some other people about a trivial issue that was blown out of proportion. I seem like the bad guy here. Now it's spreading all over the 1st and 2nd floors of my dorm hall. You see, my dorm is relatively small, and gossip spreads fast. It's one of the most communal dorms on campus... Infact, too communal. There's no privacy, no anonymity. That may be good for some people, but I don't like it. These kids need to get their shit together. They still treat this shit like high school when it's not. These guys will smile to your face and shake your hand and as soon as you turn around they'll pull the trigger in your head. People can't wait to eat you alive here. They're like vultures. I knew from the second I walked in this dorm and met some of the people here not to trust them. That's why I intentionally try not to meet new people. I know this may sound like the antithesis of college, but it has kept me away from a lot of the unnecessary drama involving various members of my dorm. As far as I concerned, I say "fuck 'em". Don't get me wrong, I have met some cool people. Infact, 2 of the 3 people I'm rooming with next year live on my floor. But in terms of the whole clique of the dorm, it's something I'm better off without and something I'd rather avoid.
As far as the rumors are concerned, I'm not really worried. It will fizzle out relatively soon and people will find new prey. But it has made me aware of a disturbing trend and something I really wanted to take care of relatively recently.
I have always been too caring for other people. I always stick my neck out for someone. I care about other's emotions. I really want to make people feel happy, I hate conflict, etc. I want to get rid of this. I figured that it was time to focus on myself and give myself the time of day. I have a friend that when it comes down to it really does not give a fuck about other people's emotions when he has to. He's a nice guy, but he won't take shit from anyone and will tell the truth straight up, no bullshit. I can't do that. I even saw that in the "conflict" that happened this week. I felt empathy for the people who were trying to drain my energy. It's counter intuitive. I want to not "give a fuck", but I'm stuck in that limbo between "fuck the world" and "it all matters". I want to get to the point where I focus on myself and I'm trying to start with this:
I'm planning a 2 and a half week "under the radar" period where I will not stay in my dorm, rather I will stay at my aunt and uncle's colonial mansion a few miles away from Charlottesville. I will use my cousin's car and commute every morning and evening. That will give me time to filter my thoughts, etc. I'll just tell my roommate I'm sick so I don't hear any bullshit.
But what do you guys think? Do you think this is a good idea? Or not?
Please answer seriously, this is an important issue for me and I'm looking for some relatively useful guidance.
Answer:
I think it is if you feel like you need to get away. I am in college too and don't live on campus and I am so glad I don't. I hear other people say they couldn't sleep, study, or anything for loud and drunken roomates. I feel for you just from what I hear dorms really suck. You need privacy and not to be bothered with childish crap. I get mad at disruptions by people who act like they could care less about class and getting anything done at all.
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