Is there anything I can do? Please help!!!? Question: Me & My boyfriend of 5 years just recently separated about 3 months ago. He lives in Kansas City Missouri and I live in Rolla Missouri. We are about 4 hours away from eachother, but thats not the problem.
We have an 18 month old son together named Benjamin. He is by far the sweetest thing ever.
Back in March when I left or was leaving. I told him that the relationship wasnt working and that I couldn't continue being treated the way that I was. He always called me names, and always told me what to do. Thats just part of it, it was WAY worse. I was in a deep state of depression and I just couldnt take it anymore.
He is a wonderful father and does everything in the world he can for that little boy. So when I was deciding to leave, I tried to talk to him about visitation because I was taking Ben with me. I told him that we could do an every other week thing, where he had Ben for one week and I had him for the next and we switched. That way it was equal. Well he didnt want to talk about it. Like always.
So come the night im leaving, Im getting ready, packing stuff in the car. And I decided to wait until he got home from work to leave so that he could see Ben. I was leaving with promises of coming back the following week and letting Jim keep him for a week.
Well that didnt happen. Jim took Ben from me unloaded everything of his out of my car, and refused to let me have him. I decided that I wanted to stay after that. Nope wasnt gonna happen (oh did I mention we lived with his parents? Well we did) he then proceeded to kick me out of the house after his parents said I couldnt stay.
I had no choice but to leave. I had called the police and they wouldnt help me either. So first thing I did when I got home was called a lawyer. I got a lawyer and all that good stuff.
2 months later after not seeing my son but 1 time under his supervision. He decides that he will bring Ben down to see me along with some of the stuff I had left there.
I go out and start buying everything I can to accomidate a child. Because he left me with nothing. When he got down here, I walked outside, got Ben out of the car, walked back inside, locked the door, and called the police. I had no intentions of keeping Ben away from his father even tho he had done that to me. I was still going to try to work something out.
All of that lead to a temporary custody order. We switch Ben off every other week now.
Ive had been a couple of weeks and so has Jim. Well this last week that Ben was here, everytime I would go to leave he would cling to me and scream! He didnt want me to go.
I got a call this morning from Jim telling me that Ben was doing practically the same thing to him. Everytime he would drop him off at the babysitters Ben would start crying for his daddy. Apparently he does it on and off all day.
Im SOOOO worried. I know this is hard on him and it makes me just want to burst into tears. As a matter of fact I think ill do that now. Anyways, what can I do? Is there something I can do to make it easier on him? Im so scared. I dont want to hurt Ben.
Sorry about the long story I just thought it would help you to fully understand the situation. Please give me any advice that you can!!
Thank you
Answer:
This is a tough situation-but Ben is the ONLY one paying. Both of you need to sit down and compromise on what needs to be done. If you both can speak to each well enough to discuss what he is doing at your home with your sitter and with he and his home and his sitter, then you can be civil enough to work this out. This little boy is traumatized and you both are changing who he will become. Think on what I just wrote YOU ARE: changing who he will become. You both have something wonderful in common: Ben. If you love him-help him get through the decisions you have made. Your husband has to help also: This is not Ben,s fault-but it is fate. That separation anxiety will subdue in time. It will get easier but it won't be the same-I think that some people think that because he is a baby-he won't remember or react. Totally false. They do know what is going on and they feel the anxiety and they only have you and your husband as familiarity. Do what ever you can to make this baby feel safe again. Compromise your pride and humility and do whatever you have to to make this right.
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