How does this prologue sound?
Question:
I'm writing a novel about my trip to Louisiana, and this is the prologue. This guy I know wants me to send it to him, but I don't know if it's good enough. And plus I'm scared of what he'll think XD So, below is the prologue. Can you read it and tell me what you think, please? Thanks!
PROLOGUE
“I don’t know why I bought this stupid thing,” Lainie muttered to herself, referring to the old, worn suitcase she was packing for her eighteen day trip to Louisiana. It was true – she couldn’t remember why she bought it. After all, the black and white camouflage design wasn’t exactly eye-appealing, and it was really bright, so no one would be able to miss it. Under normal circumstances, Lainie wouldn’t have been caught dead with something so hideous, but she didn’t have the time to look for a better-looking suitcase, now. After a long and miserable school year, summer had finally arrived and that was the time that the whole family separated to go to different places. Zane, Lainie’s brother, would go to Washington D.C. with his father. Lainie’s mother and step father, Tanya and Thomas, would go to Steubenville, Ohio to visit Thomas’s family. Lainie knew her mother and step father would want to vacation by themselves this year, so she took the opportunity to visit her dysfunctional, Cajun family in New Iberia, Louisiana. Normally, Tanya wouldn’t let Lainie go for more than ten days, but since no one was going to be home for at least two weeks, this was an exception.
“You bought it because it stood out. No one else would have one like it, so you’d always know what bag was yours at baggage claim,” Tanya answered with a little smile. She was sitting on Lainie’s bed, watching her pack her suitcase. “Besides,” She continued, “I told you it was ugly before you even bought it. You wouldn’t listen.”
“Oh. Right,” Lainie mumbled, not really paying attention to her mother. She was packing the last of her clothes and trying to get the suitcase to close and zip up.
“Are you excited about visiting your grandparents?” Tanya asked, crossing her ankles, watching Lainie struggle with the suitcase.
“I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I’ve seen them plenty of times, before. We do the exact same thing every time I go there. I’m happy I’ll get to see them again, but I’m not excited about sitting around and doing nothing for eighteen days.” Lainie finally zipped up her suitcase got off of the floor to sit next to her mother on the bed. “They’re old. All they like to do nowadays is take naps and go to church.”
Tanya laughed. “You should enjoy going to church.”
“Going to church makes you a believer just as much as standing in a bathroom makes you a toilet.” Lainie smiled at her clever comment.
“There is always Carrie,” Tanya said, more to herself. Carrie, Lainie’s cousin, wasn’t exactly the best influence, and Tanya regretted even mentioning Carrie’s name. “I’m sure she’ll find a lot of trouble for you. That’s exciting, right?”
Lainie giggled, but didn’t answer. Lainie and Carrie had a history of getting in trouble together. There was the time they accidently rode Carrie’s four-wheeler into a ditch, and the time they messed with the horse next door to Carrie’s house, and the old man it belonged to ran outside with his shotgun, and the time Carrie stole her sister’s car and took Lainie on a drive through town without a permit or license. Carrie was an exciting person, and did like to find trouble. Even though Lainie didn’t enjoy the getting-in-trouble part, Carrie always found things to do and never got bored. Lainie was suddenly excited to go to Louisiana.
“Get some sleep, little girl,” Tanya heaved a sigh and stood up, straightening out her shorts. “Your flight leaves early, tomorrow.”
“Okay. Good night, Mom,” Lainie said before she went to her closet for her pajamas.
“’Night,” her mom called as she left the room and started down the hall. Lainie promised herself, as she got out of her day clothes and into her pajamas, that she wouldn’t let herself get bored in Louisiana, this time. She would have the best eighteen days of her life.
So what do you think? Be brutally honest!
Answer:
Yes, I really like it and I wanna read the rest of the book. It's good because it's well described but you didn't over-cook it(describe too much that it makes the reader wanna skip) so I think you should continue persuing this story as it will turn out to be truly amazing.
|
