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Would you mind reading my first chapter to my novel? Question: Please C/C Chapter One – Cloud Nine "I remember the terrifying look in his eyes. The look of hate. His eyes...filled with desperation, and deprivation. He was deprived of love. It was like he needed it to breathe. Except, it wasn't love. It was lust. Just lust. There was not a single drop of innocent love in him. I can't talk enough about his eyes, because they just pierced through me like a needle under my skin. I also remember how enraged he was, his bloodshot eyes...scarred me as if I was scorched by a burning house. He grabbed me, touched me, pulled my hair. I tried to run but I would go nowhere. It was like I was in a maze. Before I could even scream I was handcuffed to the metal bars of the bed, and I had a peculiar cloth that tasted and smelled of rubbing alcohol stuffed into my mouth with a rope around my head keeping it in my mouth. I will admit, I thought it was kind of sexy..."she crossed that out of her journal, in fear the wrong person might read it. She was going to show this journal entry to a police officer, in hope that she could put that bastard in jail. "He tugged at my blue denim jeans that had a rip at the knee. He penetrated me vaginally. He took away something so precious to me that I will never get back. My innocence. My virginity. I'm still asking myself what I did wrong to deserve this. I mean, I know I wasn't the "perfect" daughter, or "perfect" sister.. But I didn't know that this would be my fate. Please god, if I could do anything to take back this horrifying night, please tell me. Send me a sign! -Michelle Brady 09.22.11" She ripped that page out of her journal, and placed it into an envelope. The next day, she sent it to the police station that she was associated with, and waited for them to call her into the office to interview her. After several weeks, the police never called her, so she decided that she was going to go to the station herself. When she walked in, she noticed that all of the officers were going through newspaper, and looking very intent on reading them. Apparently, the newspaper read "BREAKING NEWS 11.02.11 - In the small town of Houma, Louisiana, the very generous woman, Alice Sanders is devastated by the astonishing fact that her lover, Thomas Johnson has passed on. He got involved in a car accident when attempting to drive home from a busy day at work, mining away to find gold. We have found in his blood, that he was highly intoxicated. We believe that this is the reason why he was recklessly driving at the dead of night to begin with. Due to his poor driving, he and another man, Matthew Adams have lost their lives tonight. We have not found Mr. Adams family, or any of his connections. His telephone showed no recent, or old calls, and activity. We are currently trying to find his family. If you are reading this and personally know Mr. Adams, please come to the police station and give us your name, and how you know this man, and the last time you've talked to or have seen this man. Thank you.” Michelle happened to know Alice, so she immediately marched down to her apartment, to share her condolences with her. After a while, she reached her destination and softly, but urgently knocked on her door. Pitiful, and depressed, Alice opened the front door, her makeup was streaming down her face. Michelle looked very concerned, however it was fake. She never liked Alice because Alice always gloated about how she in fact had Thomas, and how Michelle did not. "Oh, honey, I know how upset you must be." Michelle faked kindness to get into her home. After Alice invited her in, she realized how dark her home had been. "Alice, why don't you turn on your light?" "I can't. The light hurts me." "I think I should turn it on, it might make you feel better." "No! Leave it off!" "Okay." She made her way towards her, her arms stretched trying to give Alice a hug. "Get away from me!" She snapped. "I'm sorry, Alice. I'm trying to be a good friend to you." "Well, stop. Get out. Go home." she pointed towards the door. Michelle did as she was told, and left. She was confused as to why Alice was acting this way..."why didn't she want me to turn the light on?'' she thought to herself "she must be hiding something..." As a matter of fact, she was hiding something... Answer: Your novel was extremely descriptive and mysterious. You can build up suspense really well and then make it seem as if you're going to burst with it. Excellent story so far. I hope you continue this novel! |
