What do you think of my story? Question: I like writing and I just recently wrote a story. Tell me what you think and be honest please! So far I've done the prologue and a couple of chapters. There are grammar mistakes, I haven't edited it yet. Thxx:P
~ Prologue~
You see Mason Adams wasn't your typical man, no frankly he was what you would call crazy. His cold pale hands always reached his wooden night stand every midnight and he would always reach for the painkillers. Obviously one who would do such a horrendous crime would want to ease away from the memory. It was exactly on the last day of June 2006, when Racheal Smith a tall strawberry blond woman, with sparkling dark blue eyes and a beautiful smile left her law office around 7:00 pm, she was a very successful lawyer in New York City. Mason had gone to Racheal to ask her if she could clear his name, he was charged with shoplifting a watch at a high-end department store. A liar Mason was and he told her that he was completely innocent and they had gotten the wrong guy, Racheal specialized in dealing with crooks like Mason, she was a criminal defense lawyer of course she believed him. It was the friday that Mason drove off early from work around three'o'clock to talk to Racheal, he was furious that the judge sentenced him to do community service hours, he had no time for this, he was too busy with his life. He hated Racheal, the anger in his eyes was thought of a mad man, his face and hands turned a hot flaming red, he was done with Racheal, she wasn't a successful lawyer she made him put up with community service, what would these people do for him, he couldn't waste time at the local library or community center helping losers. So as since as she got out of her office with no one around, Mason grapped the rope and approached her from behind strangling her furiously. She was trying to gasp for air, yelling and trying to look back at who was doing this to her. Sadly, she feel to the ground lifeless. Mason smiled and ran back to his car, his job was done here. Nothing left to see, he drove off into the dark lights of the city.
Answer:
ok, well... i didn't really like it... the beginning didn't really "draw me in" ur need a bit more action in the strangling part. like,
Mason took the brown rope and brought it to life by choking Rachael, racheal tried to tug at the rope, to try and free herself for some air to call for help. she fought for her life, but masons pull was far to strong for a fragile lady like herself. Mason didn't even feel sorry. he wanted her to die, and painfully. Rachael gave her last tries, but slowly gave into her fate. she fell, motionless and lifeless, to the ground.
or sumthing like that... its your story, im just giving u a little, advice. i think you need more action, or more story line. the ending need to pack a punch, since this is a prologue, it need to leave the reader wanting more, or they`ll go and look for another book.
hope i help! -muwha and good luck
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