Can someone please read and comment on my story? Question: can someone read and comment on my story I'm
writing.this is not all of it,its just all I have written right now.
but it would mean alot if you would read it and comment.
my book is called The story of a girl.
1.leaving
I had been ready forever.And now the time had come.My best friend Taelor was taking me to freedom.
Today was the day.I had been waiting on this day for eight years now,practically a third of my life.This had been my goal ever since I was thirteen.I wanted nothing more.
Nothing more than to leave my hometown.I fell onto my unmade bed and stared at the ceiling.My bags were packed,my closets were empty.I never wanted to visit this place again.
Phenix city,Alabama would never again be considered my place of residence.
While I laid on my bed waiting for the taxi,thoughts of my childhood ran through my mind.
Ok,so there were some good times,but I knew if I was to stay,I would always regret it.I would become just like all the other miserable people who never wondered past Alabama State lines.
I wanted to leave and never again come back to this crappy town.
The honking of the cabbie's loud broken down car,jarred me out of my daydreaming.I jumped up,nearly tripping over myself getting to the window.
"I'll be right there."
I grabbed my bags,looking around my empty room one last time,and then rushed out the front door.I would never look back.
It never ceased to amaze me at how calm a cabbie could be,when you knew what they where thinking.Always wondering what your doing or what your up to.
But he just smiled at me as I threw my bags in the trunk,slammed it and jumped in the back seat.
"Airport,please."
Before I could even put my seat belt on,the cabbie had already shifted into gear and we were racing down the road leading from my old house to another road that would lead us to the highway,that would finally get us to the airport.
I had my tickets and a motel booked for a one night stay on the other end.I was giving myself two weeks to find a job to get a car and pay Taelor rent like I promised.
I thought of all the places I would see,all the people I would meet,all of the adventures that Me and Taelor would have.
The jerk of the taxi's broken down car brought me down to reality.We had arrived at the airport.The feeling of my insides coming up my throat any second now.
And I didn't know why I was having this feeling.Was it me being over excited,or my fear of flying.
I threw four twenty's in the front seat of the cab.And got out of the car.The cabbie was already at the trunk getting my luggage for me.
"Thank you,"I said with a smile.
"You're welcome,miss,"he said getting back in the taxi.
I took one last look of the city I would never return to.And entered the plane.The plane started to move.I put my hands over my ears at the screeching sound of the tires.And we were off.
Away from my hometown.Away from Phenix city,Alabama.Away from the place that I wished with all my heart that I would never have to see again.
It takes twenty-nine hours and thirty six minutes from Phenix city to LA.And I was already feeling the motion sickness creeping up on me.
So I decided it was time for me to take my Dramamine pills.I was all ready feeling nauseated from when we started to take off.Right on que the flight attendant was coming by.
"Excuse me,miss,"I said a little light headed.
"Yes,can I get you something."
"Actually a bottle of water would be great."
"Ok,I'll be right back,"she said smiling as hugely as she could.
I started to feel my stomach drop.Maybe I should of been smarter and took the pills before I got on the plane.Maybe it was a mistake to take the plane,but how else would I get to LA.
And I was one hundred and ten percent sure I was not going to stay in that hell hole of a town.
"Here you are ma'am,a bottle of water,is there anything else I can get you.
"Thanks,but I'm good for now."
"You're welcome,"she said has she was walking down the other isle.
I quickly grabbed my Dramamine pills out of my peruse.And took out two pills and chugged it down with my water.Feeling embarrassed by me not having any manners.
I laid back against the dark blue swave seat.Luckily I had both seats to myself.I was starting to feel drowsy .I was just about to dowse off,when a guy with dark brown hair,bushy eyebrows,and some morning stubble on his chin.Turned around to stair at me.
"Hi,I'm Brandon,"he said with a very cute dimpled smile.
"Hi."
"So I was just wondering,could you loan me a few of your Dramamine pills.
I didn't have anytime to get me any at the gift shop. And I'm feeling so light headed its killing me."
"Sure,"I couldn't help myself,but to smile that smile just about every girl got when talking to a guy they liked.But I didn't know this guy Brandon well anof ot like him.Maybe I took to many pills.Or I was just being paranoid.
"Here."
"Thanks,and your name is,"he said smiling that gorgeous dimpled smile again.A matter of fact I am paranoid,I just fall for guy's
this part got cut off
"Thanks,and your name is,"he said smiling that gorgeous dimpled smile again.A matter of fact I am paranoid,I just fall for guy's to easily.
"I'm Allison."
"Well,miss. Allison you do have a last name don't you."
"Well let me rephrase that.I'm Allison Wood.And don't you Mr. Brandon have a last name."
"How rude of me.I'm Brandon Anderson."..................
that's all I got write now so please read and comment it will mean alot.
and if there are any errors please let me know so I can fix it.thanks
this is not all the story I've came out with every character and have them all set.and she is 21 ......i'm only 16.and this Brandon character is only going to be in this part with her and him in the plane.this is not even the begining of it.there's alot more I have to write.and trust me its 100% better then what I just wrote.not to also say i rote this at 3 in the mornning.oh and thanks alot for your nice comments.but its going to get way better then this part this is only half of my first chapter.
Answer:
It's not bad actually, get more descriptive and It'll be great, the ending got cut out though.
YA can get very frustrating, lol.
I wrote this quiet a while back, It's not romance, and like there's best answer chosen and everything but this is a bit of writing that I like.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmJfQv515erOOxSXDx 3eLxfty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090425013434AAfuQR3
I don't usually read romance, but this is pretty good, keep writing and don't give up. Don't listen to the first person that answered the question, your stories great.
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